Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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