i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
