Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just had sex bonerless
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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