I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
