Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He passed out mid-signature
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
