Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
