captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
