Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
