The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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