Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
