he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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