then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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