Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
