2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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