why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
