You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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