Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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