so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
