having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
