my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
