Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hippo gnu deer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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