i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
