Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
