It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
