yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
