did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
