Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
