I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
