i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
