If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
