He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
