Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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