i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
