I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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