Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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