so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
