I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
