the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
