Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
