you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
