life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
