I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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