I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
