i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
