Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just threw up on my dentist
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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