I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
