I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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