Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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