Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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