I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
