You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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