Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
