There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
