Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
