When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
