So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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