Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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