the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
