Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
